When You Stay Too Long With The Wrong Provider

My son has had fifteen speech therapists.

I've written about that before. But what I haven't written about is the one we stayed with too long — and why we stayed, and what it cost us, and what I wish someone had told me before we started.

This isn't about her. She wasn't a bad speech therapist. But she was the wrong speech therapist for our son at that time. And we didn't leave when we should have. And I think about that more than I probably should.

The Waiting List Problem

We got onto her waiting list because we were desperate and someone recommended her. She had her own practice. Other speech therapists worked for her. The waiting list was fourteen months.

Fourteen months.

At the time I thought — she must be exceptional. You don't have a fourteen month waiting list if you're not. So we waited. We kept our son on that list through an entire year of his early childhood, the years everyone tells you matter most, because we assumed the wait was proof of quality.

It isn't always. I know that now.

When we finally got to the front of the list I remember feeling relieved. Like we'd made it somewhere important. Like things were going to start moving. And for a while I held onto that feeling even when the sessions started telling me something different.

The Signs We Ignored

She came to our house in the beginning. That felt personal and dedicated. But the sessions felt short. Sometimes I'd look at the clock and think — has it really been thirty minutes? And I'd feel guilty for thinking it.

She kept changing her approach. I told myself that was thorough. That she was trying different things because she cared about getting it right. But looking back, I think we were drifting. There was no clear map. No small outcomes we were working toward. No sense of — this is where we are, this is where we're trying to get to in the next month, and if we don't get there, here's what we'll try next.

When your child is non-verbal, the goal feels enormous and singular — get him talking. And because it's so enormous, you don't question the path. You just follow whoever is leading. You assume they can see something you can't.

But here's what I know now: good therapy — even for a non-verbal child working toward something as complex as language — should have small, visible, achievable markers along the way. Not just the big destination. The small ones too. Right this fortnight we're going to try to get this specific sound attached to this specific action. This is what it'll look like. This is how we'll know it's working. And if it's not working in three weeks, this is what we'll try instead.

We never had that conversation. And I never asked for it. Because she was the expert and I didn't know I was allowed to ask.

Why We Stayed

She moved her practice further away. Her days kept changing. We were getting home later and later in the evenings — my son exhausted after school, the session rushed, nobody at their best.

And still we stayed.

We stayed because leaving meant starting over. Leaving meant being back on waiting lists. Leaving meant our non-verbal son would have no speech therapist while we searched — and everything we'd been told about early intervention had made us terrified of any gap in his support.

The guilt isn't about the therapist. The guilt is about your child. If I leave, who's going to help him talk? If I leave and can't find someone else quickly, is that on me? Have I just made things worse?

That guilt is real. And it keeps a lot of families in situations they should have left months earlier.

We also stayed because of something I'm not proud of — a kind of deference. She was educated. She was experienced. She had a fourteen month waiting list. Who was I to say this wasn't working? I'm not a speech pathologist. I'm just his dad.

But here's what I've learned: I'm also the person who spends every single day with my son. I know when he's engaged and when he isn't. I know when he's getting something from a session and when he's just going through the motions. Not everything he does is autism. He's a seven year old child with a personality and moods and good days and bad days — just like every other seven year old. And sometimes I think that gets forgotten in therapy rooms. The assumption that every behaviour, every reaction, every moment of resistance is the diagnosis rather than just a kid having a hard Tuesday.

That observation matters. And I should have trusted it sooner.

When We Finally Left

There wasn't one moment. It was gradual. The changing days. The longer drives. The sessions that felt shorter and less purposeful. And eventually a quiet realisation — he's not enjoying this. He's not getting anything from this. And if he's not getting anything from this, what are we doing here?

The relief when we left was immediate. I hadn't expected that. I'd expected guilt and anxiety and the scramble to find someone new. And all of those things were there. But underneath them was relief.

That relief told me something. It told me we should have left sooner.

What The Right Provider Actually Feels Like

I'm not going to tell you what to look for in a speech therapist. There are plenty of people qualified to do that. I can only tell you what the right one feels like.

It feels like your child walking into a session without being dragged. It feels like leaving with something specific to try at home this week. It feels like a provider who pushes back occasionally — who disagrees with you sometimes — because they're actually thinking about your child rather than just managing the relationship.

It feels like a map. Even a rough one. Even one that changes. Just something that says — here's where we are, here's where we're going, here's how we'll know if it's working.

And it feels like being treated as someone who knows their child. Not a passive recipient of expert advice. A partner in it.

We're still looking for that person long-term. We've had glimpses of it. We know what it feels like now.

That's the thing nobody tells you at the start. You don't know what good feels like until you've experienced enough of what isn't. And by the time you know — you've already stayed too long somewhere you shouldn't have.

If you're trying to find a speech therapist for your child, reviews from other families tell you things a waiting list never will.

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